


Insufferable Disposition

by Kuma10101



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Falling In Love, Fluff, I promise it’s fluffier than it seems, Im Changkyun | I.M-centric, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, at least to me it’s slow burn idk I’m impatient
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-28 00:21:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20769407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuma10101/pseuds/Kuma10101
Summary: Changkyun’s college career has been lackluster so far. His best friends live states away and he’s chosen a major that no one seems to know anything about. Add debilitating social anxiety and depression into the mix and you have quite an isolating school experience. All he wants is friendship, and soon enough he’ll find the comraderie he was searching for, and maybe a little more along the way.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> *A little disclaimer*  
I know that everyone’s mental health affects them differently, Changkyun’s (and later other character’s) experiences are all based off of my own and my friends experiences. I just felt it made it a bit more realistic. Keeping that in mind I do go into detail at times when I explain panic/anxiety attacks and depressive episodes! Just so everyone is aware before reading! I hope you enjoy~~~

The world outside of the coffee shop’s window was painfully bright. Not even a small gust of wind to blow the newly changing leaves around was present. Honestly, Changkyun was offended by this. On days like today it should be gloomy and rainy, the humidity practically suffocating you, yet the wind still leaves you with sudden chills. At this point, he’s pretty sure the weather was just mocking him. The sunny day had led to friends, couples, and families galore enjoying their days outside. Smiles were donning each of their faces, and every time a new, beaming human would pass the store’s front window, Changkyun’s grimace would deepen. He never planned on becoming a hermit at the ripe age of twenty, yet here he was, a lonely college student that just started his junior year. Friendless. Sure, he had best friends in other states that he loved dearly, but he felt the loneliness creep up on him every night he spent alone whilst his roommate would be out enjoying their life and he was left with only his thoughts.  
He had tried becoming social before, but he hated most of the school clubs he attended and unfortunately he’s not a party person. He tried to make friends in his classes, but they just became acquaintances that only smiled at him as he entered a shared classroom. He was starting to believe it was just him. Perhaps, people just found him genuinely uninteresting, or even worse, annoying. He sighed and continued scribbling in his notebook, sloppy doodles began taking up the space he should have been doing his homework in.  
“Would you like a refill?”  
The sudden voice caused the boy to jump, leaving a long pen mark across the expanse of the page in the wake of his shock.  
“Sorry about that,” the stranger chuckled. “I just figured your drink would be cold by now.”  
“Ah, yes thank you.” Changkyun muttered whilst avoiding eye contact, inwardly cursing himself at his never ending awkwardness. “I had-“  
“Lavender latte, right?”  
Changkyun finally looked up, impressed that the worker had remembered his order. Sure, he came to the cafe quite often and he tended to order the same drink —only differing in iced or hot depending on his mood that day— but he didn’t believe he stood out at all. Let alone to the worker standing before him. Beautiful was an understatement. He had vibrant, hot pink hair that seemed to shine against his pale complexion. His eyes scrunched up in the loveliest way as his smile widened and he had the most adorable endearing ears that promptly poked out from the sides of his head. He seemed to radiate warmth.  
“You’re right,” Changkyun reciprocated his smile, although his was partially forced.  
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to creep you out or anything. You just come here often, and unfortunately I’m always working.”  
“Oh no! You didn’t creep me out!” Changkyun became flustered, he waved his has around in the air anxiously. “I was just surprised!”  
“Well, I’ll go get that refill for you!” The worker, whose name appeared to be Wonho if his name tag was any evidence, winked playfully as he grabbed Changkyun’s mug.  
The boy stared after Wonho in shock, confused as to how he’d never noticed the other before.  
•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•

“It’s cause you’re always staring at your feet.” Hyungwon chided as he shoved another chip in his mouth.  
Changkyun turned from his pot at the stove to glare at his laptop. Usually he was excited for his usual FaceTime sessions with his best friend, but right now he wanted to reach through the screen and throttle him.  
“I was asking for advice, not criticism.” Changkyun groaned as he put his attention back to the chicken he was attempting to cook.  
“I am giving you advice, my advice just so happens to also be blunt criticism.” Hyungwon laughed. “You avoid human contact like the plague.”  
“Not true! I like your human contact.” Changkyun pouted.  
“We are the same person at this point, it doesn’t count.”  
“Yeah yeah,” the younger chuckled. “So, what’s your new campus like?”  
Changkyun spent the rest of his night listening intensely to every life update Hyungwon could give him. A smile naturally spread across his face as his friend retold him a story about their new friends. Changkyun wouldn’t lie, he was a bit sad he couldn’t make friends as easily, but at the same time absolutely ecstatic that Hyungwon was adjusting so well.  
“You should probably head to bed Kyun, isn’t it like three in the morning there?”  
“But I wanna keep talking~” the boy whined playfully.  
“I want to as well, but I know you have class tomorrow-well today. So go to bed idiot.”  
“Fine.”  
They both said goodnight as they hung up, smiling at each other brightly despite the obvious dark circles that were already showing on their faces. Changkyun shut his laptop with a sigh and just sat at his desk in silence for a bit. He knew he was loved by the most important people in his life, but there was still that emptiness gnawing away at his heart. He never had anyone to go out and do things with, someone who could rush over when he felt like the world was caving in. He knew his friends would do this, but they weren’t physically present.  
As Changkyun crawled into bed that night —seal plushie clutched tightly against his chest— he wondered why his life was still like this. Ever since middle school he’s been the awkward loner, and his less than stellar childhood had made human interactions a terrifying thing for him. He’s supposed to be an adult now, so why does he still feel like a scared twelve year old boy begging for love and support?  
•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*

Changkyun was on the verge of ripping his hair out. He both adored and absolutely despised being a linguistics major. He awkwardly wandered out into his apartment’s living room, hoping to maybe rant to his roommate a little bit. His roommate —Minhyuk— and him weren’t close friends by any means, but he considered him a little closer than an acquaintance. Changkyun’s shoulders instantly drooped when he noticed Minhyuk’s keys weren’t on their respective hook by the front door. He was most likely out with one of his many friends, maybe even that boy he was talking about possibly dating. Changkyun considered retreating back to his comfy bed --maybe nap again and pretend he doesn’t exist for a few hours-- but as soon as he enters his bedroom again, he feels as though the walls are closing in on him. He decided that he must get out of his apartment, he needs to breathe some fresh air even if it’s just a simple walk. He grabbed his favorite, oversized hoodie and relished in the way it swallowed his form. It made him feel just slightly safer when he could pull the too long sleeves over his fingers. He grabbed a simple, black baseball cap on his way out of his room, pulled it down low enough to cover his eyes from strangers. He took a few deep breaths before launching himself out of the front door and back into the world again. It was always jarring for him when he would basically re-enter society after shutting himself in for a few days, this anxiety inducing routine was just his life now though. He walked around aimlessly for about an hour, he didn’t really have an end destination planned. He unconsciously gripped the straps of his backpack every time someone passed him on the sidewalk, giving each stranger the same awkward, tight-lipped smile. Changkyun could finally feel his heart beat slow down just a bit, indicating he was getting a little more comfortable. He was about to enjoy that new, small comfort when he heard a distant rumbling followed by a bright flash of light that tore across the sky.  
“You have to be fucking kidding me…” he muttered in a defeated tone.  
He began rushing forward, at least familiar enough with that side of campus to remember his favorite cafe was nearby even in a slight panic. He was only a block away when the sky finally opened up and spilled its contents onto Earth, drenching the poor kid in the process. Changkyun wanted to start running, but as he began speeding up his steps his brain had decided to pop up embarrassing thoughts at the same fast pace. Would running bring more attention to him? Would people laugh at him for being caught in the rain like a fool without an umbrella to protect himself. What if he slipped and fell. People would surely take notice and laugh then. He clenched his eyes shut and counted to himself quietly, matching his breath with the pattern of his speech. He knew he was heading for an anxiety attack if he didn’t reel himself in quickly. Although he was able to calm himself down, it didn’t stop him from slightly giving into his thoughts, which meant he was going to walk the rest of the block to that cafe even if it meant he would be soaked and soaked he was.  
He inwardly cursed as he stepped inside the pleasantly warm cafe as his canvas shoes squelched as they tried to rid themselves of all the water they had absorbed throughout the journey. Now he was going to be squeaking the entire way up to the register. That was great. Just utterly fantastic. As he made his way to order, he took a quick glance and realized the guy from the other day wasn’t behind the counter. Changkyun didn’t want to admit that he was disappointed. It wasn’t like a friendship was going to blossom from that one interaction, especially not when he had the eloquence of a baked potato. He swiftly ordered, already knowing the drill by now, and made his way to his usual seat at the corner of the store’s bar table near one of their side windows. He pulled his laptop out of his backpack and began to aimlessly scroll through his current paper that he was struggling to write. How did his professor want him to “prove” a linguistic evolution theory, when they were just that, theories. He knew the professor just wanted to see their arguments for each theory to see how well they read, and yet it still seemed absolutely ridiculous. He checked his list of other homework, each project sounding worse than the last, and felt more of his energy drain. He picked up his phone and was about to text Hyungwon a long rant on how college was an absolute sham, when a warm mug was pushed in front of him paired with a familiar voice.  
“Hey there, lavender latte.”  
“Oh...hi.”  
“I think you need this,” Wonho smiled as he held out a small, white towel. “It won’t do much, but at least it’ll help a little.”  
Changkyun smiled in thanks as he began wiping his still damp face with the towel. He was about to move up to his hair—which had gotten wet after the rain soaked right through his hat—when he still felt not only Wonho’s presence still right next to him, but the worker’s eyes on him as well. He believed the other boy was waiting for his towel but, after quickly and poorly drying his hair, he went to hand the object back only to see Wonho staring at his homework intensely.  
“Are you in Dr.Joe’s class?” Changkyun instantly perked up at that, was Wonho in his lecture as well? The boy hadn’t even noticed the other at the cafe for a whole month and a half, he wouldn’t be surprised if he slipped by him in an eighty person lecture. Changkyun nodded at him with a sigh.  
“Joe’s tough, that’s for sure. I took his class my Junior year.”  
So he wasn’t in his class, which was definitely a disappointment this time around. Changkyun began to wonder just how old Wonho could be.  
“What’s your major?”  
“TESL.”  
“Oh really? My roommate is a TESL Major.”  
Changkyun’s eyes widened comically. People rarely knew what TESL — Teaching English as a Second Language— was, and that never really upset him much. It wasn’t a very large major, so he couldn’t blame them for not being aware of it. Unfortunately, people tended to look down on it once he informed them what it was, leading him to shut down mid-conversation. Not only did Wonho know the major and know someone in it, he didn’t mock it either. It was definitely refreshing.  
“Are you also a TESL Major?” Changkyun finally asked, feeling slightly more comfortable with the other.  
“Oh no, I’m a Grad Student for-“  
“YAH! WONHO!” A shrill voice called from the counters. “IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR ASS BACK IN THE KITCHEN I'LL BEAT YOU WITH A WEEK OLD CROISSANT.”  
“That would be my manager…” Said boy rubbed the back of his neck as he flashed Changkyun a sheepish smile. “He seriously has no shame. I’ll see ya around….?”  
“Ch-Changkyun!” The boy forced his name past his lips.  
“See ya later, Changkyun!”  
He watched as the muscular boy quickly jogged to the shorter —obviously fuming—man behind the counter who was holding a rolling pin with a deadly grip. He quickly chewed out Wonho before the boy promptly went back to the kitchen. The man, who Wonho stated was his manager, caught eyes with Changkyun and in an instant his deathly glare turned into a cheery smile. For some reason, the smile scared him more.  
•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*

Changkyun jumped in his spot on the couch when he heard the front door lock jiggle loudly. He could hear the voices behind the door clearly, even if they were slightly muffled.  
“Minhyuk come on!! I gotta pee!”  
“Jooheon I swear to god I’m going to stab you with this key if you don’t shut up.”  
“I’ll pee on you in retaliation.”  
“Kinky.”  
“That wasn’t my point. Just hurry your drunk ass up!”  
“Stop yelling! Changkyun might be sleeping.”  
“Who goes to bed early on the week-“  
The boys’ eyes widened as they stumbled in and saw Changkyun sitting on the living room couch. He had been watching TV, but their conversation had quickly gathered his attention. The two boys did quick greetings and goodbyes before scampering off to Minhyuk’s room with red ears, there was no doubting he could hear them talking about him. He knew it wasn’t malicious, Jooheon was most likely genuinely shocked that a fellow young college student would be locked away from society all weekend. But even if there was no ill intent, that didn’t mean it hurt any less.  
He rewound his show, having missed more than he had expected during the short interaction, and fully sprawled out on the couch. He wasn’t particularly intrigued by the drama he was watching, but he couldn’t sleep. Changkyun not being able to sleep always leads to thinking, which never ends well for him. He needed noise. Something, anything that would make his mind zone out. He would release an empty laugh when something was amusing and that was about it. Just useless, mind-numbing content.  
Changkyun awoke suddenly to the blaring ringtone and the sharp vibrations of his phone against the glass coffee table. He didn’t even remember falling asleep. He blindly reached out, slapping the bare table a few times, before he finally landed on his phone.  
“Hello?” His deep voice cracked from lack of use.  
“Did you just wake up?” His mother’s accusatory tone rang in his ear.  
“Maybe.”  
“Well I’m glad I gave you a call then, don’t forget about your doctor’s appointment today. You’re supposed to refill your prescription.”  
“I know, I know.” Changkyun whined as he shifted his phone in front of his face and squinted at the time displayed. “Oh my god, mom, my appointment isn’t for another two hours.”  
“I’m just keeping an eye on you honey, I don’t want to repeat last year.”  
Changkyun stiffened. He curtly said his goodbyes and hung up the phone while his mother was mid-sentence. He clambered to the kitchen and flung the refrigerator door open maybe a little harder than he had planned. He cringed as the door slammed against the wall and silently prayed it didn’t wake his roommate. Well, considering how obviously wasted they were the night before, he doubted they would be awake before noon. That was fine by him though. He rather go about his morning routine and get out of the apartment before they wake, it helps avoid any type of awkward interaction that could occur.  
After staring at the contents of their fridge for another five minutes, he decided to just eat toast. He’d really been lacking in the appetite department, but whether that was his depression or a symptom of his medication was anybody’s guess. He nibbled on his toast as he scrolled through all the text messages and memes Hyungwon had sent him when he was sleeping. He was quietly chuckling at a rant his friend had sent him in all caps when someone spoke up from behind him.  
“Mornin’.”  
Jooheon was standing in the middle of their tiny kitchen rubbing at his still closed eyes, whilst Minhyuk was sleepily draped over his shoulders. Changkyun smiled at them and replied with a quick ‘good morning’ as well before gathering his second piece of toast and a mug of coffee and tried to waddle off to his room.  
“Wanna eat with us?” Minhyuk offered, causing Changkyun to stop in his tracks.  
“Thanks, but I have to hurry and get dressed, I have to meet up with someone soon.” He lied without even turning to face the other.  
Changkyun was almost in his room when he heard Jooheon sharply whisper.  
“I told you that would be awkward, the kid hates everyone. Especially you.”  
He could hear a faint slap echoed in the room followed by whining as he shut the door. He didn’t hate Minhyuk, far from it actually. Minhyuk always calmly listened to his occasional rants about school, and never pointed out the boy’s nervous stuttering. Minhyuk was a beam of sunshine that everyone was drawn too, including Changkyun. The younger boy just never knew how to approach anyone, let alone his roommate. He had a constant fear that Minhyuk only spoke to him out of pity and his overwhelming kindness, the last thing he wanted to be to the older was a burden, so he figured avoiding him often was probably the best course of action. He stared down at his toast in his hand and felt nauseous, his appetite was long gone now.

“So I see the physician you’re going to decided to raise your dose?”  
“Uh, yeah I’m at 100 right now.” Changkyun nodded and watched as his therapist, Dr.Park, skimmed over his notes. “I didn’t really feel a difference on the 50…”  
“That’s ok, medication affects everyone differently. What’s important is figuring out what fits for you. Now that we got the medical part out of the way, let’s go over your chart.”  
Changkyun quickly opened his backpack and fumbled to find the paper. His hands shook as his anxiety rose instinctively. They always check his stress chart, so why didn’t he get it out beforehand? He-  
“Changkyun, can you look at me please.” Dr.Park called the boy’s attention. “Good. Now first match my breathing and then once you’re settled we can take your time to find your chart, we do have an hour and a half after all.”  
Changkyun did as he was told and slowly brought down his heart rate with his Therapist’s guidance. Once the boy was stable again, Dr.Park gestures for him to go back to what he was doing but advised that he do it calmly. “Act as though no one is waiting for the result. It’s just you.” He told the boy. Finally, he was able to find the chart and hand it over to the man, albeit a bit embarrassed that he made such an episode of it.  
He nervously fidgeted with the cuffs of his sleeves as he watched the man analyze the paper. He knew it wasn’t a test or anything. He kept reminding himself that he just did this to keep track of his moods. Nothing more, nothing less. Changkyun was brought out of his thoughts when he heard Dr.Park hum in acknowledgement. His eyebrows were furrowed as he squinted at the chicken scratch the boy had covered the sheet in.  
“So, it seems your anxiety has been pretty steady with its level placement?”  
“Yeah...it’s kind of a constant hum, ya know? It’s always there.”  
“The only concerning thing I see here, is that your depression seems to have spiked.” Changkyun just nodded to confirm the man’s words. “So I think we should focus on that today, what do you think?”  
•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*  
Changkyun walked up to the receptionist desk with his credit card and insurance card already in his hands. He smiled and promptly handed them over, the action built into him by now. The receptionist asked him about his day as she entered his information. She was his absolute favorite. Chungha was extremely caring and soft spoken, and it somehow made him feel safe. He could probably tell her he murdered someone and she would just smile and give him some calmly worded advice. She looked up from her keyboard to pose another question to the boy when her eyes narrowed.  
“You’re late.” She spoke in a slightly harsher tone, yet it still sounded pleasant for some unknown reason.  
“Sorry, I had a morning shift today!” A familiar voice gasped from behind him.  
Changkyun turned to see Wonho, for once not in his work apron, huffing and puffing from the obvious exertion he put in to attempt to get to the medical center on time. As soon as he locked eyes with Changkyun though, his face lit up.  
“Well, fancy seeing you here.” He chuckled. “You come here often?”  
“Wonho! Don’t tease my Changkyun.” Chungha chastised.  
“I’m not!” Wonho spluttered as he pretended to be offended.  
Changkyun watched as the two playfully bickered with each other. Maybe, Wonho was like him. Maybe that's why he approached him in the cafe.  
“Do you also come here?” Changkyun attempted to join the conversation, but backtracked when Wonho’s eyes widened. “S-sorry! That was inappropriate! That’s such a personal question, just forget-“  
“It’s ok changkyun,” The older reassured him. “I forgot that my demon of a manager cut me off the other day. I’m a grad student in psychology, I do my clinicals here.”  
Changkyun’s face reddened and he avoided his eyes. Of course someone as charismatic as Wonho wouldn’t be similar to him, he felt so stupid for assuming so. As if she could sense his self-deprecating thoughts, Chungha instantly garnered his attention and handed back his belongings with a warm smile.  
“I should probably get going then. Bye.” Changkyun began to turn around when Wonho called out to him, making the boy freeze in place.  
“Remember the TESL major I told you I lived with?” Changkyun nodded. “Well, he got really excited when I told him I met someone closer to his age that’s also in the major. We’ll be at the library tomorrow at five if you want to come? I’m sure he would love to meet you!”  
“Oh, sure! Yeah...that sounds good.” Changkyun gave a shy smile as his heart swelled with excitement. Meeting up at the library is something that can start new friendships, and that’s something the boy desperately needs right now.  
“See you then!” Wonho yells as he clips on his medical badge and scurries off down the hallway.  
Changkyun watches his back as he goes, for once he’s satisfied with how their conversation went.  
•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*  
Changkyun was fucked. Absolutely fucked. He let the idea of Wonho and his roommate becoming his new friends fly out the window. It was going to be impossible now.  
“Changkyun! Over here!” Wonho waved him over as if the boy wasn’t staring at them like a deer caught in the headlights.  
Changkyun resigned himself to his fate and waddled over to the table, sending a small wave as he sat down.  
“Changkyun?” Wonho’s roommate asked, absolutely shocked.  
“Wait, you two know each other?”  
Changkyun nodded. “Hi Jooheon…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come be my friend on insta!  
@kumax514


	2. Chapter Two

Changkyun’s body was tense as he sat across from the older students. Wonho was still smiling, seemingly quite excited that the two knew each other. Jooheon and Changkyun were expressing their awkwardness instead.  
“He’s Minhyuk’s roommate, the one I told you about.” Jooheon supplied, avoiding the quiet boy’s eyes.  
Changkyun felt his airways tighten as Jooheon’s words finally registered in his mind. Jooheon had talked about him before. Not only had he been talking about him, but he’s told Wonho about him and the boy doubts it’s ever been anything positive.  
“So you’re Changkyun from education class!” Wonho chirped, his cheerful smile still intact. “It must be fate that we all met!”  
Changkyun smiled weakly and nodded his head as he rubbed his increasingly sweaty palms on his jeans. When Minhyuk had offered to room with Changkyun it was out of the blue and completely unexpected. He had been in a few education classes with the older boy at that point and would talk to him on occasion. They had also exchanged social media at Minhyuk’s request.  
That day, he had arrived a bit earlier than usual for his early childhood development class and sat by himself grumbling over a text his mother had sent him. She wanted him to move out of the dorms and into an apartment since it would be cheaper, but he didn’t know how to tell his mom he didn’t have any friends to room with. It's one conversation he usually tried to avoid. He was so caught up in formulating a reply that he didn’t notice when minhyuk sat down next to him.  
“Did he release our exam grades already? You seem pissed.” The elder chuckled.  
“Oh no,” Changkyun blushed at how obvious his emotions were. “my mom is just on my ass right now.”  
“Gotta love parents.” Minhyuk sung sarcastically. “What’s she on about?”  
Changkyun gave him a brief and slightly altered description of his dilemma. Only changing out the whole “I don’t have any friends to room with” to “my friend bailed on me for rooming”. Although he already knew Minhyuk was a good person, he was still shocked when the other listened to his complaints intensely and only reacted when it seemed necessary. He was even more shocked when he suggested rooming with him.  
“My roommate is moving out, so I actually need a new roomie!” Minhyuk cheered. “I know we don’t know each other that well, but you don’t seem like a serial killer.”  
Usually, Changkyun would have instantly, but politely, turned him down. He wasn’t sure how long he could hold his mother off though, and his desperation was hitting peak levels. So, with an erratically beating heart he agreed. He liked to believe the blinding smile that Minhyuk gave him after he responded was due to the excitement of living with Changkyun, though his mind tried to tell him otherwise.  
“Is Minhyuk a good roommate? I don’t think I could live with him!” Wonho exclaimed.  
“I love the guy, and he even stresses me out sometimes.” Jooheon laughed.  
“I-uh-I really like living with him actually.” Changkyun smiled, but mostly to himself. “He’s very kind, and he listens to my problems.”  
When Changkyun looks up he notices Jooheon’s eyes are finally on him again, but this time without disdain. He seemed curious, yet still slightly annoyed  
They had dropped the conversation quickly after that and had gotten to work on their own upcoming homework and projects. Changkyun could tell Jooheon was working on something similar to him, but he didn’t want to just ask him to work together out of the blue. Although he would be doing it in the hope of starting a friendly conversation, he feared he might offend the boy instead.  
They work for awhile longer until Wonho lets out a loud, pitiful groan and drops his head atop his laptop’s keyboard, now covering his word document with pages of unintelligent keyboard smash sentences. Changkyun watched with an amused, but also slightly concerned face while Jooheon instantly broke out into rambunctious laughter. Wonho turned his head slightly to throw a barely threatening glare at his now red-faced friend.  
“Don’t laugh at my pain.”  
“But your pain is entertaining!” Jooheon quipped.  
“Well,” Wonho pouted as he pushed himself up in his seat and promptly cracked his back. “I need a chai tea latte and the will to live. What do you guys want from Starbucks?”  
“Green tea latte! Iced!” Jooheon instantly replied, but Changkyun stayed silent.  
“What about you Changkyun?” Wonho asked.  
“Oh! I would feel bad to have you pay for me, I can just come up and-“  
“No,no! It’s my treat! You guys are going to need the caffeine. I know they don’t have lavender lattes so, do you have a second favorite drink.”  
“I like London fogs…”Changkyun muttered.  
“Perfect!” Wonho reached into his bag to find his wallet, standing up with a slight bounce once he finally retrieved it. “I’ll be right back.”  
Now, Changkyun was left with something he dreaded more than letting Wonho pay for him. He was left alone with Jooheon. The older boy didn’t seem to be bothered one bit, he promptly returned to his work as soon as Wonho had sauntered off to the Starbucks that was nestled in one of the corners of the first floor of the library. Changkyun tried to get back to work as well, but found that his mind was once again swirling with thoughts. He found himself glancing at Jooheon every now and then, and he would study the other’s neverending facial reactions. He wondered if the boy was aware of just how expressive he actually was. Changkyun looked back down at his half-finished homework and began scribbling in the open corners as his mind wandered off.  
Jooheon was the type of person that commanded any room he walked into. He exuded confidence everywhere he went, but he was never a douche about it, just playfully cocky. His bright aura and teasing humor seemed to draw people towards him. He was the type of person that everyone wanted to be friends with, and in turn Jooheon blended into every group he joined seamlessly. He was bold. Both with how he presented himself physically and verbally. His clothes almost always made a statement, and he was never afraid to be blunt and say exactly what was on his mind. Changkyun found himself wondering what that would be like. Wondered if maybe after all of the expensive therapy and medications, he too could walk into a room and instantly feel comfortable instead of making a beeline for the farthest corner. He hoped that maybe one day it would happen, even if the darker parts of his mind kept telling him it was impossible.  
“So,” Jooheon suddenly spoke up, grabbing the younger boy’s attention. “you say you actually like living with Minhyuk?”  
The question seemed friendly enough, maybe even one to break the awkward tension that Changkyun was constantly exuding. Jooheon’s eyes unfortunately told a different story. Changkyun could practically feel the angry fire that was burning behind his gaze. The older boy wasn’t asking him a simple question, not with that accusatory tone.  
“Then why the hell do you ignore him all the time?” Jooheon asked after Changkyun’s continued silence.  
Changkyun could feel himself starting to sweat as Jooheon’s gaze became more intense. The younger knew he should stand up for himself and explain the situation. He knew inside that he does enjoy his roommate’s company and that it’s his own insecurities that are holding him back but would Jooheon understand that?  
Changkyun began to play with the holes of his jeans, staring at anything that wasn’t the older boy, whilst Jooheon’s scrutiny refused to waver.  
“Are you gonna ignore me now too? Not like I’m not used to it…” Jooheon muttered.  
The younger boy’s grip on his pants tightened, now ripping the elastic white strings that stretched across the holes of his distressed jeans. His chest felt tight as if someone was sitting on top of him, restricting his airways. If he wasn’t painfully aware of his condition, he may have believed he was having a heart attack. Changkyun is not good with people, that’s plain to see, but confrontation is one of his true fears. He feels as though he’s been transported back in time. He’s once again the scrawny little kid that everyone either avoids or mocks. He could never do anything right in his peers eyes. All he felt was constant judgement, and now he was once again on the receiving end. He knew this was too good to be true. How could someone like him become friends with someone as charismatic as Wonho, Jooheon, or Minhyuk. He was just a pest. Just some stupid loner that they took pity on.  
He scrambled for his books and began stuffing them into his bags, not caring that he was crushing the exposed worksheets in the process. His hands shook as he attempted to zip the bag up. He could feel a drop of sweat trailing down the side of his face, but he couldn’t wipe it away. If he did it would lead to his usual compulsive fidgeting. Such as pulling at his hair or scratching at his neck and arms, sometimes to the point of bleeding. He needed to escape.  
“....Changkyun?” Said boy looked over to see Jooheon still staring at him, but with an unreadable expression, as he leaned towards the other boy. “Are you cool bro?”  
With a stuttered “I have to go.” Changkyun threw his backpack onto his shoulders and tried to head out, only to run face first into someone’s chest. Wonho’s chest to be exact.  
“Changkyun? What’s going on here?”  
Wonho reached around Changkyun to set the drinks down on the table, unknowingly sending the student into another wave of panic. Wonho was too close. Changkyun scrambled to get out of Wonho’s arms and away from every other living person on this damned Earth, but the older boy held onto his arms.  
“Changkyun. I need you to match my breathing. You’re going to faint at this rate.” Wonho kept a loose hold on the boy, he didn’t want to cage him in but he truly feared the younger could drop at any moment. “Breathe with me, can you do that?”  
It took Changkyun awhile, but his breathing went from dangerously erratic to slightly rapid with the elder’s guidance. Wonho disappeared suddenly from his sight, but his eyes didn’t follow him. It felt as if a heavy haze had descended over his brain, so he just continued to blankly stare ahead.  
Wonho had leaned over and grabbed both his and Changkyun’s bags before promising Jooheon to text him later. Once he was back in front of the younger boy he calmly got his attention.  
“I’m going to grab your hand ok?” He waited a minute or so before the boy seemed to register his words and nodded in response. “Ok good, let’s head outside.”  
•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*  
Changkyun and Wonho sat on one of the metal benches outside of the library, the younger lightly sipped water from a bottle the other had offered him. Changkyun’s face still felt hot, but this time he felt as though it was from pure embarrassment than an oncoming panic attack. Wonho waited patiently for Changkyun to talk on his terms, and his patience genuinely shocked him.  
“I’m sorry…” The younger finally murmured as he stared at the ground.  
“Changkyun, you don’t have to be sorry for something like that.” Wonho explained as he gently put a hand on Changkyun’s shoulder, ready to pull away the instant the boy showed any discomfort. “You can’t control those things.”  
“I wish I could….” Changkyun sighed as he grabbed his backpack.  
“Do you wanna get some food? You know, go do something fun and clear your mind?” Wonho offered.  
Changkyun almost laughed, he wished clearing his mind was that easy. His brain was always racing, it was constantly ready to ruin his day. He smiled at Wonho and shook his head ‘no’ before handing the bottle back to the older boy.  
“I appreciate it…” Changkyun started. “but I just feel so exhausted, I rather sleep.”  
He turned to leave when Wonho called out his name. He spun around to see Wonho now up on his feet as he fished something out of his pocket.  
“Can we at least exchange numbers?” He held out his phone as soon as he finally freed it from the confines of his pants. “If you want to of course! I just think we could become friends….”  
Changkyun stood still, absolutely shocked. The last thing he expected after a public attack was Wonho wanting to get to know him better. He took in the older boy’s reddening face and sparkling, hopeful eyes. He truly was beautiful. Changkyun felt oddly comfortable around him, even to the point where he trusted him in a panicked state. Changkyun was rarely positive, but he felt good about this connection.  
He reached out and took the phone into his hands.  
“I like talking to you too, Wonho.”  
“Maybe we can hang out sometime without impending projects due!” The older joked as he ran his hand through his cute —albeit damaged— pink hair.  
‘And hopefully without Jooheon’ Changkyun wanted to add, but of course he just nodded along before heading off back to his apartment for a much needed nap.  
•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*  
Changkyun awoke to a large bang sounding from somewhere in the apartment. He quickly sat up and looked around in the dark as his mind tried to catch up with his body. He quietly got out of bed and tiptoed into the hallway. He kept mentally repeating that it was only Minhyuk and totally not a serial killer that came to brutally murder him in cold-blood.  
As he got further down the hallway, he could tell that the kitchen light had been turned on, slightly illuminating the living room that was attached. He let out a relieved breath when he heard the distinct sound of cereal clinking into a bowl. Changkyun was pretty sure a serial killer would at least wait to eat after they murdered their victims, not beforehand, which left Minhyuk getting a late night snack to be the most plausible option.  
But when Changkyun confidently rounded the corner, he wasn’t face to face with his lanky roommate, but none other than Lee Jooheon. He was getting really tired of these surprise meetings with the older boy. Jooheon’s eyes widened as he noticed Changkyun while he was mid-bite. He quickly put the bowl down on the counter behind him and turned to face the younger fully. Not ready for another possible confrontation, Changkyun offered a light smile and was ready to retreat back to the safety of his tiny room when Jooheon spoke up.  
“Can we talk?”  
Frankly, Changkyun wanted to reply ‘fuck no.’but he knew he wasn’t capable of that, nor would it be a very good idea in the first place. So instead, he nodded and began fiddling with his sleeves as he tried to calm himself down. Perhaps, Jooheon was curious about what happened today, maybe even slightly disturbed. Whatever it was, Changkyun knew he was going to have to focus on his breathing to make sure he could get through it without another panic attack coming on.  
“I’m sorry.”  
Changkyun’s head snapped up as he stared at Jooheon in shock. Out of all the possibilities that were running through his head — both realistic and not— an apology wasn’t anywhere on the list. The older boy must have realized his surprise, because his face became redder and he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck as he continued to speak.  
“Listen, I get angry really easily, especially when it comes to my friends. My overprotectiveness and anger issues don’t mesh well. What I’m trying to say, is that I really didn’t mean to upset you so much today.”  
“It’s ok…” changkyun finally muttered after getting past his initial shock.  
Lee Jooheon, someone he had aspired to be like, is apparently pouring his heart out right in front of him.  
“But it’s not, Changkyun.”  
Said boy takes a deep breath to steady his mind before he finds the courage to speak.  
“I can't help my anxiety attacks, they just happen to me. I don’t want to assume, but that’s probably how your anger issues are and you weren’t coming from a bad place either. Our minds just got the better of us, and that’s ok.”  
“Oh my god...I’m such an asshole.” Jooheon groaned as he dropped his head into his hands.  
“No you’re not.”  
“I’ve been treating you like some stuck up dickhead this entire time instead of actually asking you what’s up or believing Minhyuk when he said you’re a nice guy, so yes I am a massive asshole.”  
“It’s okay really.”  
“Can we start again?” Jooheon suddenly asked as he lifted his head, a hopeful twinkle was shining in his eyes. “Maybe, we can try to be friends? I’m always here anyways.”  
Changkyun could feel his heart racing, but it wasn’t in fear. It was in excitement. He could feel his cheeks reddening as he nodded his confirmation, causing a dimpled smile to appear on Jooheon’s face. In that moment, Changkyun decided he loved that smile. The smile of his new friend.  
Jooheon pulled him into a sudden hug which caused him to stiffen up at first, but he eventually relaxed into it.  
“Are you guys being cuddly without me!?” A whiny voice asked from behind them.  
Minhyuk suddenly hugged Changkyun from the other side “rude. You all know I’m an attention whore who needs cuddles.”  
Changkyun giggled softly between them. He wasn’t entirely used to this much affection, but he wasn’t going to complain about it either.  
•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*  
Changkyun was okay. Life still wasn’t stellar, but he was doing much better. He’d become quite close to Minhyuk and Jooheon, though he still denied going out with them from time to time, fearing he may become a burden or annoy them. Minhyuk has assured him countless times that they love his company, but it’s a mindset that he has always struggled to escape so he doubts it’ll disappear overnight. Wonho had also taken to texting him daily and Changkyun found himself becoming more comfortable with him as well as becoming quite enamored. His latte runs were now inspired by the hope of seeing the cheerful boy instead of the for the beverage itself. He was doing okay. Until he wasn’t.  
He wasn’t sure why he had woken up feeling as if the world and existence in itself was just useless, but then again he never truly understood why a depressive episode came upon him. Sometimes, he felt like it showed up to just to spite him. As if his brain was aware that he was becoming happy and it needed to stop it in its tracks. He tried to take a shower, but it seemed like too much to handle, so he threw a hat on instead. The same happened as he stared at their cupboards and realized that every food item in their seemed revolting and ended up sipping on just coffee for breakfast instead of the eggs and toast that he had made a routine out of the past few weeks. As he drank his coffee he glared at the bottles of medication that sat on his kitchen counter and felt as if they were glaring back at him.  
“Do your job.” He muttered to them as if that would actually do anything.  
It was going to be a long day he could feel it and with that stress added on top of the already accumulating stress with school came the urge to scratch and pick at his hair and skin. He was always scolded for it. He knew it was a problem, but when his brain and life just became too much again. When being alive was just too overwhelming. He instantly would return to autopilot mode. 

“Oh my god, Changkyun….” Minhyuk gasped and instantly put down his plate of food before rushing to the anxious boy standing in the hallway.  
“Does it look that bad?” He asked as he shifted his weight between each foot.  
“Not bad...just shocking.” Minhyuk assured him. “How did this happen.”  
Changkyun wondered then if he should tell the truth. Minhyuk always offered himself as a shoulder to lean on, and he seemed to truly be helpful when it came to Jooheon. So, maybe he could help Changkyun as well without any judgement. They were closer now as well, so that would also help. But, his situation isn’t that easy to explain.  
“When I get stressed…” Changkyun started, throwing wary glances at Minhyuk as he watches the older boy’s expression. “I...I sometimes pull my hair out.”  
“Why didn’t you tell me?” It wasn’t accusatory, but concerned. Like a mother almost. “Changkyun, half of your eyebrows are gone...on both sides.”  
“I know. It looks horrible.” Changkyun instinctively went to grab at his eyebrows again, but Minhyuk gently held his hands.  
“How about I help you with these?” He offered.  
As soon as Changkyun agreed —he would honestly take any help at this point— Minhyuk dragged him into his bedroom and sat him down on his bed. He then went to his dresser and rummaged through a small makeup bag on the top.  
“We should probably buy you your own, but you can use mine for now.” Minhyuk explained as he walked over with a small brush and a compact in his hand. He sat down on the bed across from Changkyun in a criss- cross position and gently turned the younger’s head to face him straight on. Changkyun’s face began to heat up due to the close proximity and hoped Minhyuk wouldn’t point out how bad his skin had gotten since the start of his recent episode.  
“I’m gonna teach you how to do your eyebrows.” Minhyuk explained as he reached over to his nightstand and grabbed a handheld mirror. “I am the makeup king after all.”  
That got a laugh out of Changkyun that caused both of them to relax a bit more. A tension that they didn’t even realize was still there, began decreasing instantly. Minhyuk places the mirror in the younger’s hands and positioned him so he was holding it properly. He began slowly, instructing him on every little detail as he filled in the boy’s right eyebrow and made it look as if it was real.  
“Now you try the left one!” Minhyuk handed the brush over and encouraged him as he tried to copy the older’s movements.  
It wasn’t perfect by any means nor did it look just like Minhyuk’s but it was much better than before.  
“Wow...I’ve never done makeup before.” Changkyun stared at his reflection in shock. “Thank you Minhyuk, I really appreciate it.”  
“Makeup isn’t just for girls after all.” Minhyuk playfully chastised him. “Also you don’t have to thank me, that’s what friends are for.”  
A warm feeling spread throughout Changkyun in an instant as he stared up at Minhyuk with loving eyes as he watched the other complain about the struggles of sparkly eyeshadow. It always felt so amazing when someone confirmed your friendship. He no longer had to worry that it was one sided, because in that moment the other person had declared their friendship to be true without any prompting.  
“You ok?” Minhyuk suddenly pulled him out of his mind.  
“Yeah! Sorry, I zoned a bit there. So why is sparky eyeshadow so hard to remove?”  
“Oh don’t get me started!” Minhyuk screeched.  
Changkyun just watched him with a smile on his face. His friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that takes the time to read this, comment, and leave kudos! I truly appreciate it!! :)  
Come be my friend on insta!  
@kumax514


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I have not given up on this fic I promise! Life has just been very unkind to me for quite awhile now. I’m finally starting to find myself in a better place now and have the energy to write again! I hope you enjoy!   
Come be my friend on insta!  
@kumax514

“What movie do you think we should watch tonight?” Wonho asked as he shoved another forkful of his salad into his mouth. “We need to make sure Jooheon can’t choose another shitty action flick. I’ll die of boredom!”  
Changkyun released a breathy chuckle as he looked up from his notes to witness his friend’s dramatics. The two of them had found a schedule where the younger would come to the cafe at least four times a week to sit with Wonho on his lunch break just so the older boy could have some company. Usually, it was only Wonho and his manager, Kihyun, working so they always spent their breaks alone. Changkyun couldn’t say no to a pouty-faced Wonho and besides, he loved the cafe.  
“How about a horror movie?” Changkyun finally suggested.  
“Why do all my friends have horrible taste in movies!?” Wonho groaned and laid his head on top of Changkyun’s shoulder. “I’m gonna pick a Disney movie.”  
Suddenly, the ever familiar sound of the older boy’s alarm rang through the shop, disrupting the boys’ peaceful lunch. Although the alarm was becoming obnoxious as it repeatedly screamed the same three notes, Wonho didn’t move a muscle. Changkyun glanced to his peripherals to see Wonho donning his infamous pout.  
“Uh, your alarm is going off…” Changkyun mumbled.  
“I know.” Wonho sighed as he finally righted himself and began grabbing his things. “I’ll see you tonight.”  
Changkyun watched him walk off before continuing his homework that he could never focus on when his older friend was around. Then again, his focus has been off in general. He had always found linguistics so intriguing, but now that it had become his life and was constantly being graded on it, his love for it was slowly dying. He was already in deep though and didn’t see changing his major as an option.  
He was so engrossed in his own thoughts that he didn’t realize when someone took the seat that Wonho was occupying just a few moments ago until they cleared their throat, in an obvious attempt to get Changkyun’s attention.  
The boy looked up to lock eyes with none other than Yoo Kihyun. He had no reason to dislike him, but the intimidating vibe he gave off seemed to make Changkyun shrink into himself more than he already does.  
“...hi?”  
“I’m trying to figure out if you come here so much because of the coffee or because you want to get into Wonho’s pants?” Kihyun bluntly stated as he took a bite of his sandwich.  
“What!? N-no I really enjoy the coffee here! I’ve come here since before I met Wonho!”  
“Ah I see, so the answer is both.”  
Kihyun laughed as Changkyun’s face became bright red and his attempts to defend himself came out as incoherent ramblings. He took a large gulp of his iced coffee and let out a delighted sigh before he reached out and ruffled Changkyun’s hair playfully.  
“I’m just messing with you.” He clarified with a small smile on his face. “I’ve noticed you a long time ago and I could tell how easily flustered you are. Don’t worry, it’s cute.”  
As Kihyun ate his lunch he continued to talk, more like interrogate, Changkyun. Surprisingly enough, the younger boy became more and more comfortable the longer the conversation went on. Kihyun was intimidating, there was no doubt about that, but it wasn’t in a negative way. It was easy to see how deeply he cared for others.  
“You’re an interesting kid.” Kihyun remarked as he began cleaning up his napkins and food. “It makes me want to start going to movie night again.”  
“You used to go to movie night?” Changkyun asked.  
“Yeah, but Minhyuk gives me a headache.” Kihyun groaned as he finally gathered the last of his things. “Maybe I’ll surprise you one day and show up.”  
•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*  
Changkyun took a few minutes to catch his breath as soon as he got to the top of his apartment’s staircase. The five flights of stairs constantly made him consider Wonho’s offer of being his gym buddy, though he always decided against it. He knew for a fact he would never be able to keep up with the older boy’s regimented routine.  
When he unlocked the front door he fully expected to see Minhyuk scrambling around the living room as he packed blankets and other movie night necessities so they could leave for a snack run as soon as Changkyun finished changing into some more comfortable clothes. Instead, he found his roommate on the couch looking weary with swollen, red eyes.  
“Minhyuk? Are you ok?” Changkyun placed his book bag next to the door and headed over to sit down next to him on the couch. “Are you eating a block of cheese?”  
Minhyuk nodded slowly and solemnly and went to take another bite, but Changkyun snatched it out his hands before he could and gave the offending food a concerned grimace.  
“I’m trying to poison myself.” Minhyuk announced.  
“We’ve been over this, your lactose intolerance doesn’t work the same way a peanut allergy does.”  
“It’s still an excuse to not go tonight.”  
“Why wouldn’t you want to go?”  
Minhyuk opened his mouth to reply but quickly shut it and let his head hang low. A moment of silence stayed between the two of them before subtle sniffles began to ring in the air. Changkyun panicked for a moment as he tried to think of the best way to comfort his friend, he hated to see him cry. He reached out a hand and tentatively placed it on Minyuk’s back and gently rubbed up and down, he hoped he could calm the sniffles down before they built themselves up to sobs. He waited until Minhyuk had finally calmed himself down, the last thing Changkyun wanted to do was force his roommate to talk about what was upsetting him. He himself knew how much of a struggle it could be, and when someone haggles you and just adds more unwanted stress. After a few more minutes of silence, Minhyuk released a deep breath neither of the boys were aware he was even holding in, and lifted his head up and rested it against the back of the couch.  
“Jooheon and I are on a break.”  
“Why?”  
“Cause I pissed him off!” Minhyuk flailed his arms around in an exasperated manner. “I just wanted to talk it out, but instead he recommended we give each other some space and actually think about our relationship.”

Changkyun’s brain began to scramble for what he could possibly say next. He wanted to be able to give amazing advice and help his friend the same way Minhyuk did for him, but he wasn’t that well versed in relationships, let alone romantic ones. He had only been in one serious relationship his entire life and it definitely wasn’t a positive event to draw advice from.  
“Do you want me to stay here with you?” He asked tentatively.  
“No, I need you to be my spy.” Minhyuk replied as his eyes slowly turned into focused slits.  
“Your spy?”  
“I want to know what Jooheon is saying about the break while I’m not there!”  
“I don’t think that’s a good idea Min…”  
Changkyun tried to reason with him, but Minhyuk had to whip out his infamous pout and puppy dog eyes. It’s not that he didn’t want to help his roommate, it was just the fact that he considered both him and Jooheon his friends, and spying on one for the other just felt dirty. He knew he should have told Minhyuk how he truly felt, knowing his friend would most likely be understanding of his feelings, but instead he just feebly nodded in agreement.  
•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*  
“Where’s Min?” Wonho asked as he stepped aside so Changkyun could make his way inside.  
“Not feeling well.” Changkyun didn’t want to lie, but considering Wonho asked where his roommate was, he figured they didn’t know about the break yet. As soon as he was fully inside Wonho let the door fall shut and instantly grabbed all the objects the younger was trying to juggle in his arms. Changkyun tried to protest that he was completely capable of doing that himself, but Wonho jokingly shushed him and headed off towards the kitchen. Changkyun found his way into the living room as usual and was shocked to see Kihyun and a stranger sitting on the loveseat in the corner of the room.  
“You came?” He blurted out unintentionally, but it successfully garnered their attention.  
“I told you I would surprise you!” Kihyun smirked. “This is Shownu, by the way.”  
Changkyun gave a small wave and tight lipped smile towards the newcomer, Shownu, he was nervous but the anxiety wasn’t too horrible due to the fact he was surrounded by his friends. Wonho entered not long after and they all made themselves comfortable on the couch.  
As time went by, Changkyun noticed he wasn’t the only one nervously glancing down the apartment’s hallway. At that moment he knew Wonho was also painfully aware of Jooheon and Minhyuk's current situation, and the lack of their roommates could potentially cause some problems in the friend group. Wonho excused himself whilst they were all arguing over their movie options and slipped down the hallway, at the same moment Changkyun’s phone buzzed.

Roomie: updates???  
Kyun: there aren’t any...he hasn’t come out of his room.  
Roomie: what?! He’s moping when he’s the one who asked for the break? 

Changkyun stopped typing mid-reply as Wonho entered the room again, this time with Jooheon trailing behind him. He was smiling but it felt empty. Jooheon’s eyes locked onto Changkyun and the ever clingy friend instantly jumped on the couch and wrapped his arms around the younger boy. Wonho scowled lightly causing Jooheon to stick out his tongue in response.  
“You get Kyunnie all the time. It’s my turn!”  
For awhile, all was calm as they watched a random Netflix original that they truly only picked to make fun of. Jooheon was oddly quiet though, he intensely focused on the movie which was far from the usual boisterous behavior. They were half an hour in when Wonho loudly announced they needed a snack refill and shot up from the couch to begin collecting the various plates and bowls that were strewn about the coffee table.  
“Can you help me out, Kyun?”  
Changkyun nodded and began to wiggle his way out of Jooheon’s hold, giggling lightly as his friend repeatedly poked him in the side. Jooheon had no problem switching over to Kihyun as his next cuddle victim. By the time Changkyun was up and grabbed the last two bowls on the table, Wonho had already disappeared into the kitchen.  
As Changkyun followed behind, he glanced down as his pocket began to vibrate again. He didn’t need to check his phone to know who the new message was from. As he was distracted a pair of arms wrapped around his waist and pulled him into the kitchen, having him collide directly against Wonho’s chest. He sent the older a quick glare that had a layer of confusion behind it and saw Wonho holding a finger to his lips, signaling for the younger to be quiet. That was never really a challenge for Changkyun though.  
“Have you been texting Minhyuk?” Wonho whispered. Changkyun nodded, he knew there wasn’t a reason to lie if the other was already aware of the situation. “How is it on his end?”  
“Not good. He seems more upset that Jooheon isn’t talking about him to be honest.”  
“I’m not surprised. That’s a very Minhyuk thing to do.” Wonho shook his head. “Can you promise to keep me updated, I don’t want this to become any bigger than it already is.”  
Wonho extended his hand with his pinky finger sticking up, his expression quite serious. Changkyun glances from his finger, to his face, then back to his finger again before he giggled lightly and interlocked their fingers together.  
“I pinky promise~” Changkyun agreed with a teasing lilt.  
“Hey, pinky promises are a serious deal. If you break one, it is the biggest betrayal!” Wonho pouted and Changkyun’s heart skipped a beat with it.  
•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*  
“That was the worst movie I’ve ever seen.” Kihyun huffed.  
“You were crying the entire time.” Shownu announced which caused everyone else to burst into laughter as the shorter male attempted to hide his now reddening face.  
“It’s already three in the morning…” Jooheon muttered as he stared at his phone screen. “I have to head to bed you guys, I have a nine a.m.”  
He proceeded to give them all quick hugs as they grabbed their belongings before shuffling off to his bedroom down the hall. Wonho escorted the boys to the front door giving them all their respective hugs.  
“Did you take Minhyuk’s car?” Wonho asked.  
“Oh no, I walked.” Changkyun replied nonchalantly.  
“You walked!?” Wonho exclaimed. “You can’t walk back at three in the morning!”  
“Why? I’m fine with it.” Changkyun deadpanned.  
“It’s dangerous.” Kihyun chimed in.  
Before Changkyun could protest again, Wonho was already slipping on his jacket and grabbing his keys from the entryway table. Wonho could already tell the younger was going to attempt to talk his way out of it.  
“I want to drive you. If not I’ll be worried all night.” Wonho explained and wrapped his arm around the shorter’s shoulders. “Let’s go.”  
As Wonho led them out he felt Shownu and Kihyun’s eyes on them, and he was pretty sure the latter was smirking, causing the boy to shrink more into the older boy’s side. He didn’t want to inconvenience anyone.  
•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*  
“What’s going on inside that head of yours?” Wonho asked without taking his eyes off of the road.  
“Nothing? I’m fine.” Changkyun mumbled as he played with his fingers.  
“You’re quiet.”  
“I’m always quiet.”  
“You’re too quiet. I know you’re a quiet person but you’re never silent, around me at least.”  
“I just, I just don’t want to trouble people.”  
“Well, I know this isn’t a solution since it’s easy to give into what our minds tell us but...you're never a burden to me. I want to help you out with anything. I usually don’t speak on other people’s behalf, but I’m sure our friends would agree with me. We all care about you deeply.”  
Changkyun turned his head and examined the man he was sitting next to. He takes in the quick, but meaningful smile Wonho flashed him as they rolled up to a stop sign and how his fingers playfully beat their own rhythm into the steering wheel as he turned to look both ways. Changkyun analyzed the way Wonho made him feel. How he was nervous, but the nervousness was almost enjoyable. It made his stomach flutter in ways he hasn’t felt in years. They’re so strong he usually cannot resist the urge to clutch his stomach as soon as they emerge. Which they tend to do as soon as he looks at the way Wonho’s eyes sparkle with never ending support. He felt at home with him and the others. He wrapped his arms around himself as the thought ran through his mind and a smile blossomed on his face. Home. It was a feeling he didn’t realize he was longing for. It wasn’t just any friends to distract him from his overwhelming loneliness, but a group of people that emanated warmth.  
“Thank you Wonho...I really do appreciate it.” Changkyun responded with his own smile.  
This time Wonho’s expression was paired with a light, red blush that climbed its way across his cheeks and up his nose bridge.  
•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*  
Changkyun stared at his ceiling and thought about the night as he let his music blast his eardrums. He drummed his fingers on top of his stomach. The action sent flashes of Wonho’s hands past his eyes. Life was good. Life was exciting. Life felt like...life again. He felt as if he was finally apart of the story again instead of floating emptily in the background. He shut his eyes and let himself relish in this rare moment of dopamine overdrive that he wasn’t used to experiencing.  
He was caught up in his thoughts until he felt something brush his arm. He jumped up instantly, ripping his earbuds out. It was quite dark in his room, but the streetlights that shined through the window illuminated the figure in his room well enough for him to tell it was his roommate.  
“I’m sorry,” Minhyuk spoke, and Changkyun instantly picked up on the wavering of his voice. “I didn’t want to disturb you but I, I just needed someone.”  
“No, it’s totally fine...what’s wrong?” Changkyun moves so he was sitting at the edge of the bed.  
He slowly reached out and held his friend’s hand gently which seemed to send the boy into a new fit of sobs.  
“I hate Jooheon! I hate him!”

**Author's Note:**

> I’m finally posting for the first time on here!!! I hope whoever reads this enjoys it!! (￣∇￣)


End file.
